What happened to me today hasn’t happened in a some time now.
I’ve been so closed up. I feel like God is so far away and that I can’t reach Him anymore.
I keep seeing people going on about their lives so happily, they smile or they keep a straight face, it might be misleading, they might be faking it but it feels so idealistic.
I keep observing them, wondering inside what the hell is wrong with me.
And this afternoon, as happy and relieved I was that my week was over, that I could rest. I couldn’t stop thinking of these people being happy in their homes, sharing moments with their loved ones while I kept swiping my own messages to the left.
Everything doesn’t make sense anymore, it’s like all the calculations I made to be happy ended up in fake results. Nothing that should bring me calm and happiness is working.
What should I do now? What formula should I apply? In what other positive angle I should look at my situation?
And I feel so bad for not feeling right. I feel so bad for feeling this sadness inside.
Where is this puzzle piece that will complete me? What should I throw inside this void so I don’t feel as empty? How to get rid of this sadness?
The questions jumble up, it’s not like I expect to get an answer out of this at this point.
And without knowing, I’ve been crying… Probably for hours straight.
It doesn’t make me feel any better.
Dec. 8th is the day of Our Lady of Immaculate Conception.
Celebrating 2 things : Holy Mary was born exempt from sin and She remained a Virgin through baby Jesus’ conception (which was the Holy Spirit’s work).
The opinion of what Virgin Mary’s status should be has been the cause of many conflicts. Whether or not she is “officially” the Queen of Heaven, one thing is undoubtedly sure, Virgin Mary has always been an advocate of humankind.
Always being one to mediate, to warn, to shake us up a little bit and to cry with / for us, Virgin Mary is a little bit closer to us all and has showed us many ways to pray the Lord and volunteered to pray for us too.
It might be too long, tiring or not your type of thing to say the rosary nor the Rosary but it shouldn’t stop you to pray Our Holy Mother. Using every heartfelt words, every one of your emotions and putting in it your very soul and motivation, Virgin Mary will not turn a deaf ear to your prayers, capable of miracles, capable to transmit your prayers directly to Her Holy Son, endowed with humanity and compassion, She will answer.
So in your moments of desperation, joy, doubt, those moments when you feel alone or far away from God, those moments that need an immediate answer and those that don’t need an answer at all, pray to Her. She is a Mother to us all. If possible, She will answer your prayer or take it to Her Son, if not, She will console you, rejoice with you, cry with you, She will not let you walk this road alone, She will be with you.
It’s not a waste, a heresy to pray her. And The Holy Mother would never ignore Her children.
Personally, I am devoted to The Virgin Mary, especially this version of Her and Our Lady Of Perpetual Help. She has never let me down, even in those moments when my faith is fading. December 8th and June 27th are days I love to celebrate, I try my best to go to church. I know I’m late but I just wanted to share it with you.