I just can’t…

I’ve been in a lot of stages in my life. And I must say that this one is totally new to me. I guess the perks of getting older. I’ve completed renounce on life. I don’t mean I want to end it. I mean that I’m done with expectations, done with hope, done with relationships, done with emotions and feelings, done with everything.

I have a question? Have you felt alone while receiving attention? This one also is a new groundbreaking one. I have a good support system right now and for some reason I can’t absorb any of it. It’s like I’m impermeable to it, to the love, the affection, the support.

Everything bothers me, and I so want to get into my own little world and just throw my social life away. I don’t even know how to really explain what I’m going through. I don’t know if it’s me being dramatic and capricious or if I’m really going through something I can’t identify.

What I guess would be considered even worse in this situation is that I don’t care. I don’t care to discover what is going on, what is it I’m feeling, why I can’t accept those great emotions directed towards me. The only real way I can explain this would be that the vessel to receive all of this is gone and I can’t store or absorb any so I’m no longer bothered to think about this.

I don’t know. I’ve been feeling this way a moment now and all my happy triggers don’t work. Music doesn’t work, favorite drinks and food either, dark chocolate feels like I’m inviting cavities, and my hair. Oh my God, I used to treat my hair as therapy, I would change the hairstyle or the color whenever something wasn’t right but now if I could cut it all off and not have to worry about it, I would. And finally, I’m sad to say that my relationship with God is thinning out because of this also. I mean if everything is already written, why bother. If He already has drawn my destiny, why would I complain, give thanks or ask forgiveness for? It will happen whether I like it or not. What is it to talk about with the One that knows everything before it happens and everything about me.

I just can’t..

Waking Up From A Nightmare

This morning I got woken up by my fears. You know when you have those dreams, that feel so real that your heart and your brain are still trying to process the truth from the illusion. And there are some other cases when it even shakes your soul. Well that dream was one of those. A very heavily demonized one where everyone else around me had already turned, where I had failed the only human being that I had faith in me, my brother and where I failed to discern the good from the bad and basically handed over my rescuer. And I couldn’t go back to sleep. My mind was confused, my heart was still panicking and my soul felt tested. Worst was, I couldn’t come back from it.

Now it was just a dream, a very very bad one, which left a big impression on me.

My Hair Color Journey

Hair dye is something I’ve been fascinated with for a long time, low-key an obsession. Sometimes, when I’m pondering on bleach, I get envious of blondes who got it cut out for them, a good canvas that needs little to no preparation depending how light it is.


Today is Saturday.

And for a lot of women out there it’s cleanning day

And/or beauty/spa day.

Well this post will be about the beauty part. Ordinary on Saturdays, I will prep, wash and do my hair, do my facial skincare routine; every month or so, I’ll shave and exfoliate, of course if there is still time get my nails done (this part has the tendency to get another task out of whack) so it’s a lot. Not to forget I have other things to do, it’s efficiency on it’s highest level because everything or most of it has to be done, my week is busy and Sundays I tend to procrastinate, not to forget there are also other chores, plus the ones that I might have missed on Saturday.

Fast Forward to the beauty part.

As a black girl with natural kinky coily hair (4 something), I’m not new to DIYs. Specially those with humectants (products that draws moisture in from the air). I have a full bottle of glycerin, my family half transitionned from sugar to honey so we have a gallon of it at home. I use glycerin on my hair refresher sprays or on different homemade butters while I use honey on homemade butters, deep conditioners and my face.

So what about beauty and honey?

Well I have spring twists installed so that’s not where I’m going. This post is all about the face. Usually, I’d start with a sweaty face from chores and different activities before putting my mask in (this way my pores would already be open and I’d have detoxify a little bit already), pat my face with a napkin and

  • Put on my mask (normally it’s a clay mask -either the bentonite clay with apple cider vinegar or another clay with some sort of appropriate liquid- but I try to do peel ones once in a while). Let it dry, then rinse it off or peel it off.
  • Next, I’d gently exfoliate with a spinning brush (mind you I don’t have sensitive skin).
  • After that I would do my moisturizing mask which is usually honey as is or mixed with lemon juice or lemon essential oil. Let it sit for an hour or so then rinse it off. At the last minute, I’d scrub my lips with a honey sugar mixture.
  • Apply my toner then either Shea butter mixture or a light oil since I have oily skin.

Well, today more than ever has honey performed greatly because aside from my usual skin problems, I also had cracked itchy peeling lips because of an allergy or irritation (don’t know which one), so after I finished my skincare routine, I took a nap because I was extremely tired due to my dog giving birth (7 puppies) the night prior. My lips were hydrated and soothed so I was more than satisfied and instead of using a lip balm, I decide to use honey to further down the process since my lips weren’t completely healed. When I woke up 3-4 hours later (I know, long nap!), my lips felt so so goooooood but also plumped. It’s like I suddenly had more volume there or someone secretly gave me a lip injection. I was dumbfounded because I knew about the anti-inflammatory, healing and humectant properties but never heard of the plumpness side-effect. I know for a fact that it was not due to the irritation or allergy because a) this is not my first time using honey topically, b) this is not my first lip allergy/irritation and c) my lips weren’t inflamed.

I have full lips so the added plumpness didn’t bother me but to someone out there with thicker lips, it might be too much. To be really honest, the size change wasn’t all that big either but I could feel it because I’m not used to that more fleshiness. Anyway, I discovered something new today about honey and I’m very much pleased with it. It might be my personal chemistry to the product because, as we all know, our body reacts differently to things, especially if you’re diabetic or allergic to honey, that’s definitely a no no but if you’re not against DIYs and a honey user why not? You might also be surprised.😉

The only downside I can think of, also one of its good properties, is that honey is easily washable so if you’ll be eating or drinking or as simple as if you tend to lick or bite your lips, then you might be able to use it as a quick treatment if you can manage or overnight exactly before sleeping (apply a thick layer). Overall it is worth a try even if it’s only for its other great benefits.

And one more important thing :