What happened to me today hasn’t happened in a some time now.
I’ve been so closed up. I feel like God is so far away and that I can’t reach Him anymore.
I keep seeing people going on about their lives so happily, they smile or they keep a straight face, it might be misleading, they might be faking it but it feels so idealistic.
I keep observing them, wondering inside what the hell is wrong with me.
And this afternoon, as happy and relieved I was that my week was over, that I could rest. I couldn’t stop thinking of these people being happy in their homes, sharing moments with their loved ones while I kept swiping my own messages to the left.
Everything doesn’t make sense anymore, it’s like all the calculations I made to be happy ended up in fake results. Nothing that should bring me calm and happiness is working.
What should I do now? What formula should I apply? In what other positive angle I should look at my situation?
And I feel so bad for not feeling right. I feel so bad for feeling this sadness inside.
Where is this puzzle piece that will complete me? What should I throw inside this void so I don’t feel as empty? How to get rid of this sadness?
The questions jumble up, it’s not like I expect to get an answer out of this at this point.
And without knowing, I’ve been crying… Probably for hours straight.
It doesn’t make me feel any better.