Right amount of protein

Hair was a bit dull. It was well moisturized but it fell like it missed something.
It hit me “Protein Treatment”, it’s been a while since my last one so maybe it’s what it lacks.
Not willing to pay for an actual good cosmetic treatment, I consulted my favorite bloggers and Google on the matter of a good DIY.
Last season avocado was all over the place, so I might have been a total avocado psycho, killing lots and lots of them (sorry tree). So I decided to choose another alternative, the only things left were the hydrolyzed proteins (a bit expensive), plain yogurt (not too sure about that), eggs and mayonnaise (really not fond of that). Unfortunately I already had these two at home so it narrowed my options. I’m really not into mayonnaise so it was out of question to put it in my hair, I really do hate the smell too (unlucky me should had maybe go with it). Eggs it was then.

image

DIY Egg Protein Treatment
1 egg
2 tbs olive oil
1 tbs honey

For oily hair, it’s recommended to only use white egg and for really dry hair the egg yolk. (I didn’t mind the whole egg)

I chose this recipe because of the really moisturizing ability of the honey (humectant) and because of my withdrawal of coconut oil addiction. See for yourself the benefits :
Egg
The yolk, rich in fats and proteins, is naturally moisturizing, while the white, which contains bacteria-eating enzymes, removes unwanted oils.
Honey
AN EMOLLIENT (natural softener). It acts as a great conditioner and improves the health of hair follicles, the starting point for hair growth.
AN ANTIOXIDANT. It keeps your scalp healthy, promoting hair growth!
A HUMECTANT. It prevents the loss of moisture from your scalp.
A PSORIASIS AND DANDRUFF FIGHTER because of its antiseptic and antibacterial qualities.
Olive Oil
Olive oil is a natural ingredient that offers benefits when consumed, and when applied on the skin and hair. When olive oil is used as a mask and allowed to soak into the hair, it improves its look, feel and manageability. Olive oil is a rich emollient that conditions the hair and makes it easy to comb. It also adds shine and prevents breakage.

Since the solution seemed insufficient for my really dense hair I doubled the recipe. I used two eggs, 2 full tbs of olive oil and what seemed like 2 to 3 tbs of honey. Put it on my hair under a plastic cap for a full hour. I rinsed it with cold water, applied my cleansing shampoo then my moisturizing shampoo, followed by an olive oil deep conditioning treatment.
Everything went smoothly, my hair felt stronger, it looked like a real success.
I moisturized my hair by doing a variation of the LOC treatment then braided it. I spent 2 weeks with my braided hair and washed it today. Well lots of hair shaft came out.
What went wrong?
1) Might be the use of too much protein since protein can also brittle hair when it exceeds in hair.
2) Might be the use of too much oil. When I put my fingers in my hair, they were really oily. Too much amount of oil stops the absorption of moisture which can explain my dehydrated hair.
3) Lack of moisture. Since I braided and already did the heavy weekly treatment, I never really stopped to observe anything. And protein treatments tend to usually dry my hair a bit.
It might even be a combination of these three.

PS : The egg in itself could have been the problem since the protein molecules it contains could have been too big to penetrate the hair shaft and therefore might have sit on my hair this whole time; hence maybe my little regret for not using mayonnaise where the protein molecules are smaller. It does kind of work despite that inconvenient.

Conclusion
There are no perfect treatments. For a treatment to work perfectly on your hair, you need to first know your hair, its needs, its strengths so you can balance your routine efficiently. And not to forget that a treatment on itself won’t miraculously ameliorate your hair condition, it’s the persistent day by day and weekly gestures that keeps it all from falling of your head (lol).

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Karma – Part 7

My heart is throbbing
My mind is racing
My hands are sweating
My body is itching
My mouth is dry
My ears are ringing
My vision is blurry
My knees are weak
My legs are weird
I think everything is wrong with me at the moment. I texted my ex supervisor and he proposed we discussed it over lunch at a coffee near the company. He acted like a gentleman and a concerned supervisor. If I didn’t have memories of his fingers groping my ass I’d think that too. At the very first moment I arrived till the moment we went our different ways, he never said anything out of place, he was gentle, polite and even apologized about something that was so futile back then. I guess he meant it for the groping part. He said that he was working on something at the moment to help get me back in the company, saying that I was such a capable and promising young student. But he said I needed to be an adult about things and understand that everything can’t be given to me; sometimes I have to put an enormous effort but only if I’m okay with it, willing to do it and ready to assume my actions. I understood he meant that it will cost me. I understood he wants my approval as a consenting adult not as a cornered prey. I nodded to his explanation. He then said he’ll contact me when everything ever gets “aligned”. I didn’t understand but I still nodded and went to my interview. Since I was out of a job and not back to college yet, I applied for a temporary summer educative program as a monitor. It would start tomorrow. My schedules takes all day long and sometimes the nights too, depending on the kid. It’s a sort of camp for special children (blind, autistic, deaf, Down Syndrome, etc.). You get assigned one to three children and you have to make their day by following a program specifically made for their handicaps. Not everyone it’s willing to work with them so the pay is really good for a two weeks monitor job. The camp is also a high class thing but the children come from different backgrounds because it’s sponsored, fortunately. I think it got its funds from a charity event or something. I’ll have to undergo training for a week and that will be it. They still have to interview me but I’m pretty assured I’ll get in. So here I am in this huge building, waiting to be interrogated. There were more people than I thought but I guess the pay did convinced people out of their prejudices. It went well, they really insisted on my motivations and stuff like that. They are obviously looking out for the kids’ safety and theirs, loosing a special child would cause a huge uproar. They told to come back tomorrow early. I was about to head home when I got a mail from the bank, they wanted to see me this weekend. Apparently, it was known I’ve lost my job. They would probably try to force a loan on me or something. Oh my God what a pain. Instead I went to a park not too far. I was walking down the paths, looking at people, enjoying the breeze when my eyes landed on a shy couple. They were holding hands but they were looking away from each other. I thought it was really cute until I recognized the man, it was Arnaldo. I was shocked. Who was the woman? I tried to look closely but I fell on a dead branch. The only thing I could clearly see was her black jeweled ring, her medium length hair with warm brown tones covering her face and her really cute long silk coat. It’s like she doesn’t want people to recognize her. When I got up, they were at the entrance of the park, parting ways, he kissed her cheeks then suddenly made a move and kissed her (just a little peck) but it got them so embarrassed they nervously went their ways. If I didn’t know who it was, I’d find this so sweet and romantic but because I have a crush on him, you could say I was undoubtedly crushed.
So depressed, I decided to walk back home. On my sad way there, I came across a frozen yogurt shop and at the booth near the vitrine I could clearly see some classmates. They waved at me and invited me in, which I had no choice but to do. The lively chatter was a relief but it was still superficial. Before we separated, they invited me to a party, to which I declined but they insisted on it. When I asked why, she replied calmly and seriously
“College tuition went way up, some of our friends will have to drop,  some scholarships don’t go beyond the previous tuition and some parents just can’t afford that much so I guess it will be like our last party as still official classmates from the same college”. She texted me the address and went off the shop with the other girl.
I was in shocked, I didn’t know about this. I didn’t received any notice or warning. At the same time, I hadn’t paid attention to my mail these past few days. My tremble hand looked for my phone and desperately went through my emails. There it was. Actually there they were, one from the school and another one from my counselor asking for a meeting. I started shaking. So many things at the same time!  It took me all my strength and concentration to go home intact. I was spacing out intensely. When I got home, I immediately sat on a chair in the kitchen. Holding my head in my two hands, punching the table with my fists, then finally resigning by leaning my head on the table, I was pouting, sulking, grieving, raging. I got up suddenly and accidently knocked down the chair. As I was bowing to take it up, I noticed the silky coat on it. The same I just saw at the park, a few hours ago. Inside the pockets were sunglasses, a black jeweled ring and a note. It said to accept the ring despite it was too early to give such meaningful token of love already. Basically it was an early gift from a lover to another. It was signed by Arnoldo and was destined to my dear roommate.

Power Find

January 26th,
I’m starting my daily journal for my communication seminar. It has to last at least 2 weeks and it’s supposed to help us being better at expressing ourselves. It’s apparently a good writing exercise and a great way to know oneself. The speaker said he’d check it out in two weeks. He’s actually working at a famous media corporation. He is also a famous speaker, a   promising new teacher and a not too bad author. Every 5 years, he releases this book which is a compilation of all the journals. I wonder if one of my stories will get picked.
So, I think that’s it for today. Maybe I should write about one thing that did happen to me today. Ah,  I know!
I don’t have these stupid dreams anymore. And I’m definitely not being watched or anything, it was definitely paranoia due to lack of sleep when I was focusing on my thesis. I don’t even remember that name that used to impacted my whole being. I guess I’m finally normal again. Maybe it was stressed, fatigue and other related stuffs. I do feel better now. But now I’m being sharp, energetic, motivated and even a bit psychic lol. I’ve helped a few friends find their things, and I’m surprisingly really good at it. It happened so often that I even have a nickname now “The Finder“. Whenever I’m searching for something, it’s like I’m drawn to that thing until I get my hands on it. I should maybe open a business and make a business out of this lol.
Until next time. (The speaker said one entry per day is enough)

The memories of my naive love

Easter Tale

I met the little bunny on the porch of my house
It looked really cute with its pink ears, dark jacket and no shoes
It was a bit funny with the silly expression on its face
It was carrying a letter for me, “Happy Easter” it said, “enjoy it moderately”.
I did like my little bunny and got it on my room, eyeing it from time to time
I finally gave out, got the clothes off and ate the chocolate goodness entirely.
Since then I’ve been awfully sick, stomach aching like crazy,
In the middle of my suffering, it occurred to me
I did love little bunny but maybe it didn’t like me

Holy Week – estranged

Report on faith
Monday
stayed at home
Tuesday
Same
Wednesday
Same
Thursday
Went to church but didn’t participate at all
Friday
Went to church and almost ignored the veneration part
Saturday
Did nothing
Sunday
(intended) to go

Straight dead spirited. Faith blown away.
Dark path. No more light, as little or weak it used to be.
It’s funny before I graduated, I couldn’t miss a Sunday and now I became one of the special events Catholics.
How could I possibly redeem myself if I don’t even feel guilty anymore?
I do feel concerned and pray mechanically.
But my spark is gone, as all ties are too thin to even transmit my words anymore.
Forgiveness, mercy, blessings, protection, wishes, cries and joy, whatever the communication was about seems too big to be carried on now.

Golden Gate Bridge

*Dring Dring*
-Hello
Hello sir, how are you doing?
How did you know I was here?
It’s kind of our job to know these things.
-You won’t make me change my mind!
I -I know sir, I’m just here to talk.
-Talk about what? I’m not here to jump.
That’s wonderful sir, then please get out of the border.
– I-I just want to see…
See what sir?
-Nothing, I just want to see…
May I ask your name sir?
-No, I don’t want to tell you.
Oh-
-How did you know I was here?
We have volunteers-
-Someone saw me?
I just want to see you know.
It’s not as high as people say.
I won’t do it.
I don’t want to die that early.
It’s just… sightseeing
Damon-
How did you know my name??
The volunteer who saw you described himself as a colleague of your dad
-So my family will know about this?
It’s not-
-I‘m sorry, I really love them, I didn’t intend to do this.
I guess I can never repay them.
I’m so sorry, I really intended to help them
There’s no harm in what you’re doing Damon, it’s just sightseeing, isn’t it?
-It is, it was.
I do love them all, even my runaway of a father.
I’m so sorry I turned out useless
I’m no good after all
Damon, listen to me, there’s nothing wrong with who you are. Please don’t jump, you’ll cause them more pain than anything else.
-I know, I know. I’m so sorry.
Please let them hear this. Don’t deny a man his last wish.
Damon, it doesn’t have to be. I do not know what’s going on but I do know that your family will truly miss. Your mom will cry your disappearance day and night. Can you take responsibility for that?
[5 more minutes of incredible coaching]
Do you understand Damon? I’m sure you can relate to that.
Damon?
Damon?
I’m sorry sir, we tried to catch him but he just jumped 3mn ago

Litost

How should I describe litost?
There’s that lingering feeling inside,
This pain that keeps silently coming back
My chest hurts,
I’m sure if my heart would stop it would really scare and bother me
But why do I keep hoping and dreaming of it?
What good could come of my blood not circulating anymore?
This sound I’m so used to, this organ that keeps beating no matter what
This feeling is useless and not practical at all
But give me another option
My heart aches (…more and more…)
MAKE IT STOP

Dark, Deep and Wide

How should I fill the void inside me?
How should I even come near it without being hypnotized then engulfed by its depth?
Where does it go when I’m living life normally? When I’m feeling.
How comes when I feel numb it suddenly reappears?
Did it hide? Or is it formed by my emptiness? Like the top crumbled a bit, letting its inside be seen.
How come I still can’t understand, after I spent so many times staring at it? Like I’m studying it.
Wait, does it mean that I’m shallow? That there’s only a superficial layer and nothing more? Or does it mean that I’m getting rotten or eating from the inside out?
Maybe if I had really put some effort into it?
All I ever do is lay down, crawled into the ground, watching a wide, deep black hole.