Today I got a major loss.
I lost a dear friend. We had a fight about something I still don’t know about.
She just shut me out and doesn’t want to hear from me again.
At first I cried, I couldn’t believe she would let me down. I put my pride aside and ask her multiple times what the reason was, but she just wouldn’t answer me. So I got sad, I started remembering all the times we spent together, how we connected so well. How I basically could not live without her. So I texted again, asking why, trying to figure things out.
She opened up a little then back me out. I was on the verge of tears again, at the borderline.
But suddenly, I didn’t feel anything anymore. I felt at ease. Was breathing correctly. The memories weren’t painful anymore. I didn’t have to delete a thing. For sure it hurts to know that we’ll only be acquaintances from now on, but I wasn’t stressed, worried or sad. I even stop falling. I was strong, peaceful, calm, smiling. Somehow I reached the end of the book and there where pages left. I don’t know if they’ll remain blank or if we’ll ever get to fill them together, but I just accept it and close the book with serenity and dignity.
I feel proud that I dealt with it so calmly. I feel so grateful I don’t have to cry. I feel blessed that I can read that book over and over again and not feel like my chest is about to explode. I feel like I’ve grown.
For sure, I’ll missed her, but she was the one who pushed me away many times. So now that I’ve grieved, I’m open to new relationships, to meet a new friend, to let someone in again.
This experience filled me with plenitude. Sometimes we are hurted so badly, we feel so rejected that we only think to curl on ourselves. But we can grieve, accept that people won’t always put as much as we do in our relationships, that they won’t love us as much as we do. We must start to believe that, even though we caused the problem, if we make sincere amends, we are worth their time and their attention. We, too, deserve their love and if they walk out on us, well doesn’t matter, their lost.
We also are loveable beings, unique people with strengths and flaws, we are not perfect, we make mistakes but at the end of the day we stuck to our values, we were there and so when the sun goes down, the only ones who should be afraid of the dark were those who didn’t took the time to appreciate us shining in the daylight.