Purple smoke 2/2

It had been days now since I talked to Meheliel, not that I didn’t try but he wouldn’t let me approach him. He’s either locked up in his room, training or focused, practicing in The Garden. I once tried to enter The Garden but it’s the Earth-types’ territory, if you’re not invited or don’t have an authorization they become unwelcoming, so you better stay out and look from afar. I was getting out of options. Ambushing him was out of the question, I didn’t want to get in trouble with the higher up.
Braünh hadn’t come back to my room since the incident, I guess he’s punishing himself. I went to see him though but I guess he could see right through me, the fact that I was really sad Meheliel was avoiding me. I even wrote the little guy, still nothing. Then, one day finally, while I was enjoying my break at the park, he sat right next to me on the bench. “I’m sorry”, he said. I was so shocked, I couldn’t even talk. He was facing the ground, his black raven hair covering all his face, his hands were between his legs, nervously holding to one another. I tried to speak but nothing would come out.
I didn’t mean to act this way.
I was really mad.
You didn’t even tried to stop or punish him afterwards.
I know it’s childish and I tried many times to stop thinking and acting immaturely, but then again I would fail and I’d also be mad at myself.
I think I’m hopeless but I’ve training hard and more so I can control myself better and behave correctly.

At that moment, he looked at me with hopeful eyes. I smiled and chuckled.
– Don’t beat yourself that much little guy. When will you ever be able to act this way again?? It’s normal to be immature, you’re still a kid, relax!

But I don’t like that …

– Soon enough, you’ll grow and wise up and everything you do or say will have gone through your mind like a strainer or in your case a filter.

Yeah I guess, sorry about the garden…  I heard they were really rude..

– No biggie, I knew what to expect, I just tried anyway.
– Now listen, I’m sorry too about the purple smoke, Braünh knows he shouldn’t have and he’s punishing himself as we speak.

What!?  How!?

– He hasn’t left the facilities since then you know. I think you should go there once, to let him know it doesn’t matter anymore, after all you recovered quickly and still look as cute as ever.

He blushed. Since he always behaves so properly, I, also, somehow tend to forget he’s so young. He should get loose once in a while, oh I could help him with that.
– Hey, once I’m done with practice, let’s go get Braünh and fly to the Hot Waterfalls. They’re at the frontier of the water and fire territories. It’s like a peace zone, everybody goes there to relax and play from time to time.

Oh OK. The pet can fly!?

– Please don’t call him that to his face. And yes, more like he can grow wings when he needs it. He kinda is related to the wild shifters.

Wait, what!?  The vicious ones?

– Yeah, that’s why I can’t entirely tame him. I gotta say it’s one of the main reasons I like him so much. I, also, didn’t behave properly for a long time before you came.
He was glad. Perhaps he hadn’t realized yet that the main reason why I got a hold of myself was to keep ahead of him or at least stay at the same level as him, he motivate the hell out of me.

Beep, beep, beep…
Doctor, will my daughter wake up someday??
Pretty soon Mrs. But she probably won’t remember a thing since the accident. She hit her head really hard and bled for a long period of time, her brain has suffered of poor oxygenation.
-Thats fine, as long as she wakes up. Is she suffering?
Not at all, she’s under a large amount of morphine, she’s probably dreaming happily right now.
-That’s good.

Memories of my naive love

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Purple smoke (1/2)

Ah, is that you?
– Yes, I see you allow your… hum… pet in your room.
I turned around and look at him right in the eyes. I responded slowly and snobbishly :
He’s more than that, more like a familiar. That’s it! He’s my living educated fantastic companion.
– If that’s how you call tamed beasts these days.
My proud companion automatically stood up and started breathing loudly, those condescending comments had him excited. He looked at the boy in the room with really bright impatient eyes. He was obviously waiting for my approval to jump on him. I smirked and clearly meant a no with my shaking index finger. He looked at me disappointed and laid on his wide comfortable cushion, but before so he breathed out a huge amount of purple smoke on my guest. He smiled happily and rested his head on the cushion. My guest was still debating with the smoke so I opened the window, my room was at the edge of the Celestial Cliff- truth be told, the cliff was the side of a really huge mountain, this whole location was build at and around the peak of that mountain, it was so high that you could see the clouds beneath which is why it inherited the qualifier Celestial- the wind was pretty strong there, the reason why I almost always leave my window closed. The smoke evaporate almost instantly, blown away by the wind. I immediately closed the window, just in time before things started getting messy in my room. I thought I had done that until I saw him.
His hair was floating around his face, his eyes were burning with anger, he was obviously upset and I could easily guess why. The purple smoke is toxic and must be released every two days which is one of the reasons I accepted this room, normally Braünh should be staying with the other familiars in their own facilities which, you can believe me, is really spacious and customized to their needs. But from time to time, they’re allowed to follow their owner, but this is only permitted to the well-trained, as an excellent tamer and an elite, I was accorded the great permission to keep my familiar at all times but only if I could keep him in check. Normally Braünh would always behave well but Meheliel would always look down upon his kind and that made him consider the boy as his nemesis. So sometimes, he would do some child things to blow some steam, like the purple smoke earlier. The flesh of Meheliel’s chest was decaying, most of his clothes had been burned and he had crusted hickeys all over. It would take him an hour to completely regenerate but I guess it hurt anyway. Meheliel stormed out of the room and I felt so guilty, I guess Braünh too because he went back to his facility on the ground floor.

Memories of my naive love

A woman’s tale

“Dear readers,
When I started this column, I never expected to gain so many readers, it’s a small budget newspaper and I do an everyday article, talking about my days and encounters. I didn’t even dare imagine receiving fan mails or letters one day.
Yesterday a woman emailed me. She asked to meet me. I was so happy but at the same time tensed because, as you all already know, I use a pseudonym as a writer. I asked her to describe her outfit then told her I’d approach her at the meeting place. Surprise, the woman in question was a future mother,  pregnant to the point to explode. She looked really nervous but I guess it was too much stress to begin with. Soon after, I recognized her, she started to scream and would keep her hands on her belly. Her pants were now soaked and a bit red. Not only did her water broke but she was also loosing blood. I wanted to help but I was frozen because of the shock. The people around her were moving too much and now she was struggling from the pain and the too excited environment around her. People were screaming for an ambulance but it was taking its sweet time to arrive. Suddenly came a boy, with dark black hair and a long coat, I could barely see any other part of him. He took the woman in his arms and said he’d take her to the hospital. Before anyone could protest, he started walking and the woman stopped screaming and slowly calmed down until she fell asleep. That might be why nobody complained either. Later, I received a mail from the woman , she was now doing okay and had given birth to a healthy baby girl, she named her Heliel after her rescuer.
This is a great lesson for me and for some of us who can sometimes easily lose it under pressure. Let’s all better ourselves. There are now first aid classes held every weekend in the room next to the coffee shop. I’ll recommend you all attend it, you never know when you might be in a situation where you have to save someone or you have to be saved yourself (it’d definitely be a relief to be handle by certified helper). I’ll myself take my advice and we might even bump into each other.
Until then fellow readers,
IZ. ”

After, I finished writing my column, I sent it to the editor and poured myself some coffee, wondering if I’d ever get to see the boy again. She said she didn’t see him really clearly because she passed out just after but she clearly remembered the black shoulder length hair, a lingering smell – a mix of ashes, soil, pollen and vanilla (I’d really love to know what that smell like, leave it to a pregnant woman to be so precise about the most unexpected things) – and his bright light colored eyes. She said she learned his named thanks to the nurse, to whom he only gave his first name and went away. Meheliel, he said. Are my dreams coming true??

Memories of my naive love

Bring end and create beginnings

My face was covered with this disgusting stuff. From the most obvious oily spot, I could see worms coming out. When I’d pulled them out, they’d come out with a transparent filament. It would also hurt like hell. It was cruel, really. I only hoped they wouldn’t eat their way out of my face. Truly disgusting. While looking at my vesicle and pus covered face in the mirror, I caught a glimpse of him. You could see he was feeling sad, guilty and even a bit terrified. I couldn’t touch him now or my case would get worse so I was really restraining myself from hugging him. My heart was really aching looking at him this way.
You don’t have to feel that sad, I’ll get better soon.
He turned his back on me.
If you don’t answer, I’ll touch you and this time it will really be your fault.
He shyly looked at me and mumbled okay.
It’s just an allergy. Because of our differen-..
– I’m harmful to you.
No, you’re not.
– Yes, I am. Did I make you blind too?
Haha, sarcastic already. Well, it’s the differences between the composition of our being.
– I know that already, you’re sensitive to my touch. It strongly affects you.
Yes, it does but you also don’t control yourself well either. Normally, you should not provoke necrosis on touch.
– I know, it’s because I was doing a bit of practice in the soil. That’s how I fertilize earth, by putrefying and bringing stuffs to a rotten state… at least for now.
That’s interesting. Well now, you’re still learning to better control yourself so you should be careful about your weaknesses. Propagation is a crime, when not ordered or planned.
– I get that. That’s maybe why I’m being forced to practice so much.
So you’re an earth type?
– Not really, but soil represents best my ability to bring things to end and create situations for new beginnings.
So you can’t start things?
– I can… I don’t know. Maybe that’s why they’re so strict with me. They want to know as much as I can do.
Yeah, I get why. So you should be a special type, right? A meant to be leader.
– Yeah, I’ve been told that.
Meheliel I must say, when I heard a new operator would come for training. I didn’t expect a kid like you. Nor did I expect such an ability. But the greatest surprise must be your personality, I thought you’d be some kind of a pompous brat, haha.
He laughed with me. We ate fruits and drank juices from his garden and spent the rest of the time, talking about his gardening prowess and his improvement. He was such a good kid. I may appear more mature than him but little does he know he’s way more experimented than I am. Maybe that’s because he’s so earnest and eager to control himself while I can barely stop myself from creating catastrophes sometimes. I should really learn from him, after all I’m not that much older. I can’t definitely lose to him.

Memories of my naive love

Hum…

Yesterday, it came to me
A dog who was drooling like crazy
He seemed lost and looked at me with teary eyes
He looked a bit confused but was obviously sure of coming to me for help
I let him in my house and gave him some water to drink
The big dog drank it in no time and started playing with the bowl, he was so cute doing so I was almost tempted to keep him.
I took his picture and we went outside, bizarrely he was obedient and wouldn’t leave my side.
I was so proud like I was the one who taught him. I pat his head and we started walking around the block. As we were doing so, he started to scratch. He wouldn’t stop like he was really uncomfortable, like something was covering his skin.
I thought of restraining him and was considering how to do so when I heard a whistle.
The dog looked at me with teary eyes again like he had to go back but didn’t want to. “You don’t have to have to go back if you’re not happy about it“, I said and smiled to him.
He barked happily. The whistle sound again. The dog bowed his head but he sat like he was protesting.
With the third whistle sound came a boy. He stood from way afar and called the dog with a hand gesture.
This time, he licked my hand and went to the boy who had now turned his back on me.
I could only see the floaty dark hair. It reminded me of something, someone.
I was sad about being separated from the dark so I took a long walk around the block, the park, the mall. When I came back home I was exhausted and barely managed to take a shower.
I went to bed and slept immediately. I dreamt of the dog, sleeping on me. I was sitting on a couch or a sofa and right beside me sulking because of the scenery was the boy. The same one whistling today, the same hiding beside the trees, Meheliel.

Memories of my naive love

The old flowery path

I’m walking down a flowery street in the west coast. It’s simply breathtaking. The old brick path surrounded by those blooming trees just orders you to follow it and I’m gladly doing so. It’s a festival of colors, the yellow sun going through the green leaves and the vivid colorful flowers, the brownish grey path covered with dead dark leaves, branches and flowers. I don’t even watch where I’m I’m going anymore, my eyes follows the colors in awe. I look and I wonder why I’m so attracted to those. At some point I stop. Right there, it’s not really visible but you can see that the order is disrupted, a tree is missing. Not much missing, when you look really carefully, you can see it had been cut. Something is written on top of it : “Meheliel for you”.
This is suddenly familiar, it’s bringing back memories. But how?? I’ve never been here before, I came here to visit a friend who moved away several years ago. This is my first time here. My head is spinning, I can feel that it’s trying to bring up something. In the end, I fainted but I’m pretty much sure, I fell in the arms of someone, I can sense the warm and gentle embrace even through unconsciousness. After that feeling came a weird dream :
I was walking down that path again but it was afternoon and the path was filled with leaves, they were falling, giving in to the strong wind and their due expiration. I was searching the trees, looking for someone but each time I did the path I couldn’t find a thing. Nevertheless I knew that person was there, I could sense him, I just knew he was there. I went through the path again, eyes closed. Somewhere I felt an indescribable pain, it wasn’t mine. I stopped and there he was, hiding behind the trees, the tip of his black hair showing. “Meheliel”, I said, “if you want to hide from everyone else, that’s fine with me but do not hide from me. Whenever you don’t feel like it, you can come hide in the middle of those colors budding and dying but I will also come find you. I will always come for you.” That being said, with a swing from my right hand, I cut the tree (I don’t know if I it’s from sheer force or a hidden weapon) and engraved something with my index finger (again, don’t know if it’s really my finger or some kind of really sharp tool covering my nail).Wait for me here”, I said, “I did this so I will always remember and evidently I will be drawn to it so it’s more than a promise now, it’s a fact that if you’re here I’ll always come for you.” I remember seeing the black middle length hair moved in the way of a nod and the boy disappeared. Right after, the leaves stopped falling and the wind gradually decreased until it became a soft breeze. I remembered feeling relieved as I smelled a sweet spicy scent flavor. I followed the scent and on top of the carving was burning a vanilla pod. He was really agreeing with me.
I woke up. I was in the guest bedroom at my friend’s apartment. But how could that be? Wasn’t I at some sort of park with trees and flowers or something? My friend knocked and came in, asking how I was feeling. Apparently we went drinking last night and I overdid it. Hence explain the lingering head pain and the feeling of dizziness like a hangover. It seems that I’ve been sleeping all morning so logically I couldn’t have gone anywhere. But why do I feel like it was so real?!?
In the afternoon, my friend and I went for a walk and I tried finding my way to that path but all I found at this exact location was an asphalt car road, no trees, no flowers, no brick path. I asked my friend if this road had always been like this, she replied she’d never been here before. This is so stupid, I’m getting back to my old habits again.

Memories of my naive love

Power Find

January 26th,
I’m starting my daily journal for my communication seminar. It has to last at least 2 weeks and it’s supposed to help us being better at expressing ourselves. It’s apparently a good writing exercise and a great way to know oneself. The speaker said he’d check it out in two weeks. He’s actually working at a famous media corporation. He is also a famous speaker, a   promising new teacher and a not too bad author. Every 5 years, he releases this book which is a compilation of all the journals. I wonder if one of my stories will get picked.
So, I think that’s it for today. Maybe I should write about one thing that did happen to me today. Ah,  I know!
I don’t have these stupid dreams anymore. And I’m definitely not being watched or anything, it was definitely paranoia due to lack of sleep when I was focusing on my thesis. I don’t even remember that name that used to impacted my whole being. I guess I’m finally normal again. Maybe it was stressed, fatigue and other related stuffs. I do feel better now. But now I’m being sharp, energetic, motivated and even a bit psychic lol. I’ve helped a few friends find their things, and I’m surprisingly really good at it. It happened so often that I even have a nickname now “The Finder“. Whenever I’m searching for something, it’s like I’m drawn to that thing until I get my hands on it. I should maybe open a business and make a business out of this lol.
Until next time. (The speaker said one entry per day is enough)

The memories of my naive love

I’m fine, really

Could it be I’m being watched? I have the feeling that there’s someone intensely gazing at me right now. It makes me uncomfortable, my neck feels hot and my body is itching. My ribs feel weird. It’s like I’m missing out on something. Lol, social life maybe. I haven’t gone out with anyone the last six months, because I want to finish up my thesis. It’s not normal though to put on a barrier between me and the others. I live alone so I mostly rely on takeouts and the occasional housemaid service since I’m really way to busy to get everything in order and too much of a clean person to simply sleep in that mess. It’s almost like a hoarder’s house, there are piles of research papers, books, empty takeout boxes, and my trash can has disappeared below the trash. I’ve been working non stop maybe it’s my body telling me I need a break for now. I’m halfway through the last chapter though. But there are the annex pages, the comments section, 20 pages more or less. I have to add the sources too, proofread and embellish the thing. Oh God, it’s more like days of staring at that computer again. I want it to be over. After this I’m officially taking a spa vacation.
Again, my waist feels hot, where is that coming from? Am I coming up with a fever? My body is itching again. What the??  But when I turn around, there’s only the wall, it’s impossible for someone to stare at me through the wall. Then, before I ended up on the crazy sci-fi section of my brain I’m going out. I’ll be eating in a decent restaurant, catch up a movie or something and I’ll get some zs when I come back. I’m fine, really. Why did I say that out loud? It’s not like someone can hear me. But I felt the urge to comfort. Maybe myself or can it be I feel guilty for bailing so much on my friends and being MIA to my family. I’ll get this straight tomorrow. Now time to go out.
I feel like its the least I could do. Keep my promise of taking good care of myself. Wait? Who did I promise this to? Is my memory acting up already??? Definitely going out!

Memories of my naive love

The sadness in your eyes

At first, she stayed behind, watching them play, having fun. It’s not that she was shy or anything but she felt like she had to watch from afar, that she didn’t have the right to participate in this. So she stayed at the table, coloring her paper, drawing or painting. Her teacher looked at her and her work.  “It’s beautiful”, she said with a smile, “but you can go have fun with your friends now.” She lift me by pulling my arms and pushed me to the door. It was at a sort of semi-camp, semi-recreational center. I walked slowly and by the time I was at the gaming point, they were calling for lunch. I felt so weird and ashamed  like I had done something wrong. My face was flushed. The teacher came right behind me and put her hand on my shoulder, she looked at me and smiled. I did the same too. “Your eyes look sad, even now.”
That was the first time I heard that sentence. Fast forward, 5 years from now, I’m at friend’s house. I think he has a crush on me. He invited me out many times but since I always declined, he invited me in that fake study group session when apparently I was the only one who showed up. His father was at home so I didn’t feel awkward or anything, I stayed in the living room, doing homework, minding my school business and my friend often went to the kitchen, sulking, probably asking his crew for tips to break the ice. His father came in, asking if everything was fine. I smiled and said yes, he smiled back, nodded and left. At the end of the day, I asked for a phone call and called my parents, there was no way I’d stayed in for the “post study slumber party”. He was so sad, he cried and ran to his room. His father laughed and apologized for him trying to trick me. He also suggested I toned down a bit on the cold side, he wasn’t mean or anything, I could sense he was just looking out for me. I was a bit embarrassed but I smiled anyway.“There’s something about you when you smile, it’s like you can read the sadness behind” , he bluntly said. I stepped back, I was shocked but the phone rang, he answered. It was my mom, she was here. Pretty soon, we heard the doorbell. He accompanied me to the door and talked to my mother. When we went back to the car, I could see she was confused. Her and dad had a long conversation that night.
I then heard that sentence multiple times in many different ways. It seemed that only older people would get that feeling like it was some kind of sense affiliated to the generation before me. I never really understood though. My eyes are pretty normal. My smile is the same as everyone’s. My face doesn’t give out some weird help-me vibe so what was it? My eyes, they all say. But I don’t believe that eyes can talk. I only believe one thing about them and that’s their biological function : vision. But I do feel some cocktail of melancholy, guilt and nostalgia sometimes but I associate it with the blues or some kind of temporary depression. It’s not like it could be anything else anyway.

Memories of my naive love

Nightmares for a smile

I can’t breathe…
The pressure around my neck is so strong.
I don’t intend to die, I didn’t intend to die…
But now, that I’m seeing that expression on his face. So much hatred. Plenty of confusion. A lot of bitterness. All this rage and anger probably have been feeding his madness for so long. Isn’t it only fair retribution to let him have his long calculated and planned ending??
What’s that? Someone is calling my name? That voice…  How could I forget…
Everytime I hear it, it makes me smile. I can’t help but being happy, I must look like a fool right now. Well sorry, I cannot die, not if it shall alter that voice into a symphony of sobbing and sadness. I can’t simply let that happen. And if me living contribute to its actual intonation then I shall live.
Now thinking of it, it’s not like he can kill me like that anyway. Well well, I guess that I should reassure that voice I have no intention to die… Look at me smiling.

Oh God, it’s been so long since I’ve had one of those dreams, I’m even sweaty. These suicidal nightmares where I feel like giving up on life keep coming back. Why would I? Am I subconsciously wanting to die? Oh my forehead is hot. Is it possible I’m having a fever? Each time I woke up the same way, sweaty, hot and confused for the next thirty minutes. Should I get checked? A doctor? A shrink? I do feel like something is out of place. And that voice… It leaves a lingering feeling on me. It calms me, it brings me peace… It makes me smile.
Wait, why am I smiling? It’s official, I’m getting crazy! Why am I blushing?!? Ugh, I hate myself right now…
Back to sleep! Hmm, it makes me smile… Look at me smiling.

Memories of my naive love