#Sunday Abhor Lying 

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A fool I was

I wanted to feel something, so I went outside in the rain. 

I took a few steps on my backyard and stopped. The rain was pouring and the water falling on me was heavy. 

I looked up to the sky, it was dark. I spent a moment there, wondering what would happen to me if it turned to a storm, if the wind picks up, if the sky becomes alive with white flashes and loud sounds.

I sneezed, it made me realize. I was soaked to the bone and my body was really cold. I went back inside and fought for warmth through warm baths and hot beverages. 

It was already too late and in the morning, as my head was throbbing and my breathing hard, I thought

To catch a cold instead of feelings, how a fool I was.

I closed my eyes and pray 

I closed my eyes and pray.

I prayed the Father who’s in the sky, the Saints that sing his glories, the angels that serve him, the Holy Mother he chose to give birth to his Holy Son.

I closed my eyes and pray. I called for the Holy Spirit, asking for purification, begging for forgiveness, in hope of enlightenment. 

I closed my eyes and pray. I talked “one sidedly” with my ancestors, envisioning their lives, crying for the agonies of those who were sent away from Home. 

I closed my eyes and pray 

And pray

And pray 

And pray 

My eyes were shut so long, my reality escaped me, my eyes were seeing something new, my brain forgot my environment, my memory was a blur. 

Why was I praying?  What did I want? What was I expecting? Did I do right? 

I couldn’t figure any of these so, again, 

I closed my eyes and pray 

Why you gon do like that 

Why you gon keep that thing from me

Why you gon do like that 

Why you gon act like you don’t know me

Baby don’t do like that 

Baby don’t tell me you don’t know that you’re beautiful 

Do Like That, Korede Bello 

Just like fire burning up away 

If I could light the world for just one day 

Watch this madness, colorful charade 

No one can be just like me anyway 

Just Like Fire, P!nk

Twenty One Pilots 

I’ve been listening to Twenty One Pilots’s music a lot lately. So I did a basic research online and found that, like a lot of X Ambassador ‘s music, the lyrics and the group are about damaged, troubled persons, or people with mental health issues. So I sat there for a second and reflect on it a bit and the main recurring question would be, am I a damaged person? Although I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and phobias, I do know I have bagages in the mental health squad, a troubled person? I could agree to that but a damaged person? I don’t know what to say. 

 Maybe it’s because their music has been getting to me more than it should and it’s making me doubt myself. I don’t think I could relate to abused people, to psychos or others in that department, I could sympathize with them but not more than that. But is it all there is to belong to the damaged shelf? 

If it is, then I guess I should be grateful I don’t belong then.