Separated from me

My mind is racing and my head is hurting 

My heart is aching and soul is tearing. 

Somewhere, along the way, 

I’ve hidden myself from me 

Is it normal to always have something on your back 

That, day by day, only wants to bring you down? 

I don’t want to search for me anymore 

Because, I like the empathy and anesthesia that I left behind. 

I don’t feel, I don’t care, I don’t judge, I move on, I walk forward, I live. 

And this invisible black ball of energy behind my back doesn’t seem so heavy anymore. 

It whimpers things and I listen but it doesn’t affect me the same way. 

And it noticed it, it’s searching for me so it can hurt me again, so it can see me cry, so it can see me wounding myself. 

But I’ve hidden me so far away, so deep. Hours and hours of demagnetising our connection so I can’t feel where my being is anymore. 

And I know, I’m just an automated body, carrying on tasks everyday. I know my smile is fake, my gaze is empty and my warmth is cold. 

But I also that none of you see past this trick so I can live on like that eternally. 

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