Everything normal 

I feel like people don’t understand me

They talk to me, they see me, they read me but they don’t feel me. 

I feel like, in my head, I’m always complaining. 

I feel like nothing is how is supposed to be 

Like everything is rightly wrong

Too much perfection, too much ordinary, too much normal and too much stability. 

I’m the only weird one in the picture but it’s unnoticeable. 

I’m the only thing shadowy, I’m the only dark thing, I’m the only problem, I’m the only one unsatisfied. 

I look at my surroundings and life is perfect. I have a family, I have friends, I have a love interest, the weather is superb, I’m working, I’m getting a good education, people are nice to me, I’m not being bullied, I’m not being blackmailed, I’m not being followed, I’m not being raped, I’m healthy, I don’t have scars, I’m not crazy, my family loves me, my friends like me, college is going smoothly, I’m not rejected, I’m not pointed at, I’m not someone’s punching bag, I’m not locked up somewhere, I’m not forced to do dangerous things, I’m not captive, I’m not addicted to anything, I am normal. 

Except that every morning, when I wake up, I feel less and less enthusiastic, less and less grateful. And every night, before I go to sleep, I’m looking less and less forward to the following morning. 

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One thought on “Everything normal 

  1. C T says:

    Just checking on how you’re doing. If you’re interested, I did some research a while back on depression. It seems like it could be the result of desensitization over time of the nicotinic acetylcholine receptors. They’re named that because they are stimulated by nicotine, but they’re also kept busy by acetylcholine. Well-fed Westerners generally don’t lack for choline in their diets, which could be part of the problem; we probably keep those acetylcholine receptors very busy. I posted about it at http://petticoatgovernment.blogspot.com/2016/07/botox-and-depression.html.

    Like

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