Shall I die? 

I’ve been singing this song non stop today. 

I went to a karaoke bar and spent my evening singing most of the songs that resonate in me nowadays. 

I went to the club. I danced so much. Alone, I twirled, boogied, I even did a bit of twerking. I was feeling it so much they left the dance floor to me. 

I drank so many cocktails, pink, red, orange, blue, neon green. God knows what they were at a moment, they just kept coming and I kept drinking. It could have been toxic waste, I wouldn’t know. 

It was like I had transcended. My body was going on and living on its own. 

Since this morning, I’ve been too passionate, I’ve been feeling it too much…

I should have known. 

I felt like throwing up so I got out of the humid atmosphere but nothing was coming up my throat. 

I went home. I noticed my look on the mirror. My makeup has faded, my skirt is wrinkled, my tank top is stained with the drinks. The stunning me, that left this same room a few hours ago, looked like I had a great and crazy night.

I sat on my bed, in the dark. I was remembering everything that happened today. My phone was blowing up with notifications confirming the awesome night I had. 

But somehow, I wasn’t feeling anything. So I went to the kitchen. I looked at the drawer for a few minutes then went back to my room and sat again on my bed. 

I slit my wrists and now I’m watching the blood slowly flow out of my veins. And it doesn’t affect me. My hands are already cold and my heart is panicking but I don’t seem to feel it. I’m starting to think 

Am I really going to die? Am I truly going through with this??

I’m starting to get scared. I take my phone with my bloody fingers and I tell myself, there’s still time, call the emergency number. But instead, I logged in here and wrote the end of my story, wondering if I’ll have time to end it before I’m drained dry. 

Seemed like I chose, I’m going to die. After that, I’ll lay on my bed, put on my earphones, close my eyes and hope to find the enthusiasm I used to feel when I would listen to those songs. 

Yeah, I’d like that.. 

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