Letter to myself 

If you ever feel like crying, know that I’ll always be there for you. 

I’ll always be there to hold your hands and wipe your tears, to blow your nose and listen to your problems. 

If you ever feel so much emotions at once, feel overwhelmed like you were drowning, if you ever feel so much pain that you can’t even lift your chest anymore, call to me. 

I’ll be there to make everything right, I’ll be there to help you cling to life, I’ll give you hope and reasons to live, I’ll make sure to get life appealing to you again. 

You may ask why, why I’d go through all this turmoil just to help you and make you smile. I’m not sure if you’re going to like my answer. 

Well, I will do all of these and even more just so I can fully enjoy watching you falling even lower. I’ll do all of these so I can make space for an even greater pain, for an even more throbbing suffering. The only thing I’m concerned with you is to get you at your lowermost and when you reach rock bottom, I will dig an even deeper pit and throw you inside without second thoughts, regrets or hesitation. The times I hold your hands are times I’m guiding you blindfolded through thorns and pikes. The times I help you hold your cries are times I’m making you bleed inside. 

You can’t go away, you cannot hide. You can ignore me nor can you plead. Because wherever you go, whoever you talk to you, I’m the only one who’d ever care for you, who can give a damn about you. You’re not worth any more efforts than the opium I’m already giving you, the one that sadistically makes you think that I’m treating your wounds when I’m applying salt and vinegar on them in reality. 

So you better start thinking carefully, because if you make it a bit hard to me, even I could get tired of you entirely. 

And what will you be left with? Nothing, because it would prove that even you, don’t truly like yourself. 

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