I don’t need to study to have good grades
I never needed to prepare to get through interviews
I never needed to flirt to get guys all over me
All I ever needed and ever did was being me.
But the easygoing me, who always had things without putting any effort, had an obsessive thought.
Whatever I did, no matter how much I tried to ignore it, it wouldn’t go away.
And this only thought caused my downfall.
My older sister never tried to get along with me. Quite the contrary, I think she hated me. And maybe it’s my craving for fraternal love, before I knew it I was fantasizing about her.
I would wake up wet, hot and sweaty every night, my mind and dreams filled with her. I would go to her room, creepily watch her sleep and relieve myself at the same time.
I don’t know if she ever suspected me or not but one night, as I was about to explode with her hand in me, she opened her eyes and looked at me with disgust.
From that moment on she ruined me. The things she made me do just for one kiss, I even slapped my mother to be able to touch her flower.
I know what I was doing was wrong but, for her, it’s like I had no limits. She rejected me when I took too much time to do something and even convinced me to get myself in jail as punishment once.
It took me 3 years, failing at University, destroying my employment, my clean record as citizen, getting labelled as a sex offender and slapping my mother before finally being allowed to have sex with her. It will always be the best day of my life.
But I won’t stop here, I want more, so much more that I wouldn’t mind hurt myself or stab someone to have access to my obsession.