I’ve read today that
I wish I wouldn’t have to conceal my sins. I wish I could openly confess my faults but the best I can do is to sit here on my bed, in my dark locked room, and whisper difficulty and quietly -with my cracked lips on my salty dried face containing my dehydrated eyes from tearing for so long after that much torturing thinking- my wrongs and hope that you’ll forgive me because after all, I still can’t forgive myself.
I can’t agree that I deserved to start anew, I want to be saved but I am not waiting for rescue.
I believe that I’ll have to and I wish to pay.
I’m afraid of my punishment because my sins are too grave and even so, I don’t think it will be enough to astonish my soul.
The more I live, the more corrupt I become, as the years go by my conscience gets heavier. I’m afraid of what I can do and mostly what I don’t do. I’m afraid my mind won’t ever let me get some peace. I’m afraid I will never get out of this dark room and I’m scared of the part of me that locks me inside of it everyday and that is convinced that one day I won’t be able to personally unlock it anymore.