Proverbs 28 : 13 to me

I’ve read today that

I wish I wouldn’t have to conceal my sins.  I wish I could openly confess my faults but the best I can do is to sit here on my bed, in my dark locked room, and whisper difficulty and quietly -with my cracked lips on my salty dried face containing my dehydrated eyes from tearing for so long after that much torturing thinking- my wrongs and hope that you’ll forgive me because after all, I still can’t  forgive myself.

 I can’t agree that I deserved to start anew, I want to be saved but I am not waiting for rescue.

 I believe that I’ll have to and I wish to pay.

 I’m afraid of my punishment because my sins are too grave and even so, I don’t think it will be enough to astonish my soul. 

The more I live, the more corrupt I become, as the years go by my conscience gets heavier. I’m afraid of what I can do and mostly what I don’t do. I’m afraid my mind won’t ever let me get some peace. I’m afraid I will never get out of this dark room and I’m scared of the part of me that locks me inside of it everyday and that is convinced that one day I won’t be able to personally unlock it anymore. 

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