First time going down

What’s about to follow was my reaction to my first serious depression years ago. I just recovered those thoughts. It lasted all summer and I got so scared that I would never snapped out of it. I prayed like crazy and was silently crying everytime I could. I felt overpowered and tired. I don’t really remember how I got back to normal again, I guess it was because school. Don’t keep it to yourself and share with me if you ever felt the same.

What to do!?  I feel trapped, I feel like I’m stucked where I am. Like I fell into a hole and I could climb out of it but it feels safer in it.
I’ve never experienced that before, I’ve never pictured my feelings
This is weird and scary
What should I do? 
Am I going in the right direction?? 
Am I choosing the right path?? 
Right now my judgement is clouded and stained with my needs but I can still do the right thing and walk the right path, can’t I??
If only help could be clearer.
I just want to be safe in your arms again Lord, but I don’t feel you anymore, and I’m panicking
Please, I know I’m a perpetual sinner, I know I don’t deserve your love but…
Lord please!

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