Can I ask you for something?

If I’m entitled to, I would like to know how life has been for you so far.
If you give me permission to ask, I would want to know what has happened to you since I last spoke to you.
If you’d let me, I’d gladly ask if you’re still the same person as before.
But those are all the same question.
How are you? How you’ve been?
I don’t see you, don’t talk to you anymore. I don’t know what’s happening with you, what’s going on.
But you keep popping in my life for no reason. Just to crush all my resolutions for a two seconds conversation.
You seem worried, seem to care.
But I don’t like the attention, it makes me clingy
Clingy to whatever affection I have left
I think you’re trying your best to get to torture me somehow
I don’t want to think that you’d try to open the door you shut lock with the same key
I feel like complaining, stating facts and truths, exposing your faults, your vicious acts, mirroring you.
But I just stop to step one,
Deliberately or because I have no choice
Cowardly or because I’m afraid,
I just can’t take the next step
I keep standing there, looking at my feet
Should I push or pull you?
Whatever keeps running through my mind,
I wish I could openly ask you if you really value me as and for who I am.

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