Karma – Part 7

My heart is throbbing
My mind is racing
My hands are sweating
My body is itching
My mouth is dry
My ears are ringing
My vision is blurry
My knees are weak
My legs are weird
I think everything is wrong with me at the moment. I texted my ex supervisor and he proposed we discussed it over lunch at a coffee near the company. He acted like a gentleman and a concerned supervisor. If I didn’t have memories of his fingers groping my ass I’d think that too. At the very first moment I arrived till the moment we went our different ways, he never said anything out of place, he was gentle, polite and even apologized about something that was so futile back then. I guess he meant it for the groping part. He said that he was working on something at the moment to help get me back in the company, saying that I was such a capable and promising young student. But he said I needed to be an adult about things and understand that everything can’t be given to me; sometimes I have to put an enormous effort but only if I’m okay with it, willing to do it and ready to assume my actions. I understood he meant that it will cost me. I understood he wants my approval as a consenting adult not as a cornered prey. I nodded to his explanation. He then said he’ll contact me when everything ever gets “aligned”. I didn’t understand but I still nodded and went to my interview. Since I was out of a job and not back to college yet, I applied for a temporary summer educative program as a monitor. It would start tomorrow. My schedules takes all day long and sometimes the nights too, depending on the kid. It’s a sort of camp for special children (blind, autistic, deaf, Down Syndrome, etc.). You get assigned one to three children and you have to make their day by following a program specifically made for their handicaps. Not everyone it’s willing to work with them so the pay is really good for a two weeks monitor job. The camp is also a high class thing but the children come from different backgrounds because it’s sponsored, fortunately. I think it got its funds from a charity event or something. I’ll have to undergo training for a week and that will be it. They still have to interview me but I’m pretty assured I’ll get in. So here I am in this huge building, waiting to be interrogated. There were more people than I thought but I guess the pay did convinced people out of their prejudices. It went well, they really insisted on my motivations and stuff like that. They are obviously looking out for the kids’ safety and theirs, loosing a special child would cause a huge uproar. They told to come back tomorrow early. I was about to head home when I got a mail from the bank, they wanted to see me this weekend. Apparently, it was known I’ve lost my job. They would probably try to force a loan on me or something. Oh my God what a pain. Instead I went to a park not too far. I was walking down the paths, looking at people, enjoying the breeze when my eyes landed on a shy couple. They were holding hands but they were looking away from each other. I thought it was really cute until I recognized the man, it was Arnaldo. I was shocked. Who was the woman? I tried to look closely but I fell on a dead branch. The only thing I could clearly see was her black jeweled ring, her medium length hair with warm brown tones covering her face and her really cute long silk coat. It’s like she doesn’t want people to recognize her. When I got up, they were at the entrance of the park, parting ways, he kissed her cheeks then suddenly made a move and kissed her (just a little peck) but it got them so embarrassed they nervously went their ways. If I didn’t know who it was, I’d find this so sweet and romantic but because I have a crush on him, you could say I was undoubtedly crushed.
So depressed, I decided to walk back home. On my sad way there, I came across a frozen yogurt shop and at the booth near the vitrine I could clearly see some classmates. They waved at me and invited me in, which I had no choice but to do. The lively chatter was a relief but it was still superficial. Before we separated, they invited me to a party, to which I declined but they insisted on it. When I asked why, she replied calmly and seriously
“College tuition went way up, some of our friends will have to drop,  some scholarships don’t go beyond the previous tuition and some parents just can’t afford that much so I guess it will be like our last party as still official classmates from the same college”. She texted me the address and went off the shop with the other girl.
I was in shocked, I didn’t know about this. I didn’t received any notice or warning. At the same time, I hadn’t paid attention to my mail these past few days. My tremble hand looked for my phone and desperately went through my emails. There it was. Actually there they were, one from the school and another one from my counselor asking for a meeting. I started shaking. So many things at the same time!  It took me all my strength and concentration to go home intact. I was spacing out intensely. When I got home, I immediately sat on a chair in the kitchen. Holding my head in my two hands, punching the table with my fists, then finally resigning by leaning my head on the table, I was pouting, sulking, grieving, raging. I got up suddenly and accidently knocked down the chair. As I was bowing to take it up, I noticed the silky coat on it. The same I just saw at the park, a few hours ago. Inside the pockets were sunglasses, a black jeweled ring and a note. It said to accept the ring despite it was too early to give such meaningful token of love already. Basically it was an early gift from a lover to another. It was signed by Arnoldo and was destined to my dear roommate.

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