Nightmares for a smile

I can’t breathe…
The pressure around my neck is so strong.
I don’t intend to die, I didn’t intend to die…
But now, that I’m seeing that expression on his face. So much hatred. Plenty of confusion. A lot of bitterness. All this rage and anger probably have been feeding his madness for so long. Isn’t it only fair retribution to let him have his long calculated and planned ending??
What’s that? Someone is calling my name? That voice…  How could I forget…
Everytime I hear it, it makes me smile. I can’t help but being happy, I must look like a fool right now. Well sorry, I cannot die, not if it shall alter that voice into a symphony of sobbing and sadness. I can’t simply let that happen. And if me living contribute to its actual intonation then I shall live.
Now thinking of it, it’s not like he can kill me like that anyway. Well well, I guess that I should reassure that voice I have no intention to die… Look at me smiling.

Oh God, it’s been so long since I’ve had one of those dreams, I’m even sweaty. These suicidal nightmares where I feel like giving up on life keep coming back. Why would I? Am I subconsciously wanting to die? Oh my forehead is hot. Is it possible I’m having a fever? Each time I woke up the same way, sweaty, hot and confused for the next thirty minutes. Should I get checked? A doctor? A shrink? I do feel like something is out of place. And that voice… It leaves a lingering feeling on me. It calms me, it brings me peace… It makes me smile.
Wait, why am I smiling? It’s official, I’m getting crazy! Why am I blushing?!? Ugh, I hate myself right now…
Back to sleep! Hmm, it makes me smile… Look at me smiling.

Memories of my naive love


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