And I had a dream,
About my old school
And she was there all pink and gold and glittering
I threw my arms around her legs,
Came to weeping…

Only If For A Night, Florence And The Machine

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Is it okay?

Is it really okay to be overwhelmed by your feelings?
Is it, really? To let your emotions overcome everything else.
To feel like drowning and not trying to get out of water? To keep sinking although your chest hurts…
Is it okay to keep feeling like this days after days, to even forget what it’s like to not be surrounded by heavy water and not be interested by it either?
It feels childish to corner yourself and let one little thing take so much control over yourself.
Am I stupid to smile during my slow drowning, to feel a bit of pleasure in my long agony?
Sadistic maybe?
I don’t want to float back,
no I don’t wanna…

The promises,
The never leave you for rich or for poor,
The never break your heart,
The never witness me walk through the door,
The never lay my hand on you, that would be so immature,

She heard it before, Demarco

Monday left me broken
Tuesday I was through with hoping
Wednesday my empty arms were open
Thursday, waiting for love
Thank the stars it’s Friday
I’m burning like a fire gone wild on Saturday
Guess I won’t be coming to church on Sunday
I’ll be waiting for love

Waiting For Love, Avicii

Hair challenges

I cut my hair on November, almost December (might be early December) last year (sorry I meant two years ago).
I had like 2 to 3 inches of hair.
I was happy though. I finally got natural, transitioning was starting to get on my nerves and I couldn’t wait to see my natural hair.
It really wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.
I had fun coming up with ways to keep my hair healthy and to procure lots of love to it. I’m actually really in love with my hair.
This might be why it grew well. It’s not where I want it to be though (between 4
16″ and 20″, haven’t messaged it in a while) but we’re getting there. Or maybe it felt like if it didn’t I would get it chemically processed again.
Truth is I love long hair. That’s not a goal or a wish.
It’s how things are supposed to be or get.
So maybe unconsciously I’ve been treating my hair to this goal.
I have porous, elastic, medium length black coily hair. As much as I know a lot about these stuffs, it didn’t really help me in my regimen. Knowledge doesn’t hurt though.

So what are my 2016 hair goals?
None. I haven’t prepared anything. I’m just going with the flow. But as much as I love my hair and have been struggling to get it where it is, I won’t hold back on my own desires.

So what are my desires?
For now, it’s just to color my hair grey. Process is in motion but not done yet.
I also want to straighten it so I can really note the length.
I’m thinking about a haircut too, reshaping maybe.
I also want to keep my hair healthy so an intense conditioning, moisturizing and repairing treatment would be added too.

So what is really the challenge?
The challenge is to keep being happy with my hair while keeping it healthy and not letting the visible progress get to my head.
That should be it.

State your mind

I would like to have a direct,
Honest,
Frank,
With no detours,
But also respectful
And harmless conversation with someone.

No sarcasm, irony free, no testing intended, no holding back, no overtones, no hidden wickedness or mischief. Just a real direct conversation.

We are too guarded these days. And when we get entirely honest, we lose politeness or respect for the other.

The world’s unspoken words are truly surprising,frightening and dangerous.
You’d never know what one could think of you or would never tell you.

Celebrating

What am I celebrating?
My family 👪
My friends 👩👨
Myself 😊

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I’m celebrating the love they’ve always surround me with, the feeling to be important and needed.
I’m celebrating our ongoing relationship, our respect and loyalty to the other, our acceptance of each other’s all and our unspoken promise to keep helping the other grow.

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I’m celebrating my recognition of who I am, of my contribution even small to this world, I’m celebrating accepting and loving every part of me.
I’m celebrating the greatest love all. The love who pushed Him to die for me.
There’s so much to be grateful for.

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☆Happy☆ ♡Valentine’s♡ ☆Day☆ !!!

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Elderly love

Where I grew up, there is a big emphasis on the younth.
“Today’s little ones are tomorrow’s grownups. ”
Really really true.
But today’s grownups are tomorrow’s pops and grannies.
There’s no doubt about it.
Grey, silver and white hair are just around the corner. Health issues and gradual deterioration of every part of our body and lifestyle is a serious risk with great chance of happening.
I might be too young to start thinking about that.
But those with wrinkles and achiness, senile and moody, pleasing and gentle, all smiles and living life at -1 speed already exist.
Being old is not a punishment or a curse, so why do we tend to forget about them and mistreat them. Our lazy, pleasing and modern lifestyle is due to them, nonetheless we rarely repay them and act as ungrateful spoiled brats. As if we wouldn’t ever get old.
As if we would never get to experience memory loss.
As if we would never get to be so confused that we wouldn’t remember our surroundings.
As if we would never get to cover our lightning hair color.
I got to spend a wonderful day with an old person today.
She had great insight and give me useful advice on life and I was so happy I got to spend time with her. She was also happy to be treated as a normal functional person. Not as a retarded or a burden.
I sympathize. Sure she has health issues. Sure her brain is acting up sometimes. But it doesn’t mean that she has to be locked up somewhere depending on people’s kindness and availability to spend a good time.
It’s sad to think that when I’ll be her age, I’ll get to experience the same thing.
I’ll be locked up somewhere, or in some room, waiting for people to visit me so I can have a good time. No one to challenge my intelligence or emotions. All alone almost begging for attention.
This is sad, how can we treat our elders with so little consideration.
My folks are pretty active and don’t need help anytime soon but if the time comes when they won’t be able to be useful to themselves, there’s no way I’ll treat them as retards with no chance whatsoever to progress.
Can I keep that promise?
I sure want to.

Gibberish

😢
I’m color blind,
I’m lost,
My purpose is gone and my motivations got washed away.

😁
I’m too hyper,
I’m always excited,
You might think I’m high on something
I just like smiling at life.

😣
Why would this ever happened to me?
Am I cursed or something?
Nothing good never comes out in the end.
I’m desperate, why isn’t my life turning around?

😠
If I ever get my hands on…!
What are you watching!?
Don’t you have a life of your own!?
Geez, people are so unbearable these day.
What should I crash…

😇
Sweet sweet life,
Thanks for bringing light and brightness
Everyday, everywhere, on everyone.
I feel so blessed.
Could anything ever go wrong?
“Joy to the world… ”

😒What have I been writing?
God, who cares. 😜

I…

I wish I knew how
To get your attention
To cheer you up
To support you
To be a better friend
To be a better cousin
To stop idolizing you
To stop being envious
To be as free as you
To help you through your hardships
To be able to look at you straight in the eyes
I wish I knew how
I wish I could be as good as you
Not that I want to be you
I just want to be as worthy as you