In Your Honor

I felt like I should go
But I don’t want to put up a show
I know we didn’t know each other well
And I know we don’t share the same blood
But still.

You were always welcoming and nice
Whenever I see you, you’d always have a bright smile,
To think that you’d be in such a dark place,
That you’d feel no way out than to pull that trigger.
Maybe it was in the spur of the moment,
You were so sad and angry,
You saw the gun
And through those tears of fury,
You thought, I’ll make her pay and let her live with that
Maybe you were tired of living through hardships and difficulties
Maybe you didn’t even think too much and just acted.

My dear cousin,
When the bullet blew your brain,
That’s how my mind got blown
When I knew.
When I knew,
How your mom’s heart stopped when she saw you laying on the floor,
With the same intensity, my heart skipped a beat.
How the night got suddenly silent after the gunshot,
As much I remained speechless,
When I knew.

To think that someone like you
Were so determined to end it all,
To think that someone like you
Would be affected by life that much.
To think that maybe your biggest smile
Was your best disguised grin.
To think that only the kindhearted are going
And the psychos are multiplying.

I will not attend your funerals,
Your mom will see enough strangers as it is.
But I did want to pay my respects,
And as an attempt of my desire,
I came with this eulogy.
I will miss you,
Although my heart captured your smile.
Just know Alex that I truly,
Hope you will get to a better place.
May our prayers give you peace
And may God see through your pain
And wash it all.
I can only believe that you will finally be happy, in the arms of the Lord.


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